Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
