it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
We left an ass print on the piano.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize