Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
