Who wears a wallet chain?!
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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