you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
