Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
birth control should be required to get into college
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
