I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
The air taste purple.
Randomize
