I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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