dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
