i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
