i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
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