I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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