Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
