Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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