You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
