Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
