I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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