conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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