If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
