You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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