It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
