When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
