Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
