i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize