He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
