so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
They took my balls.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
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