Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
