After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
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