In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
