I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize