Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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