we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
