Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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