Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize