On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
