i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
