My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
