Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
