Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
