tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
