Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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