Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
