WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
