we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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