I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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