don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
