Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
