ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
