she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize