I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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