You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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