apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
