in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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