I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
