My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I'm jealous of your bromance
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
where are you?
Hypothermia
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
