Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
