My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
