at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
