i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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