i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
