my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
