So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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