omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
