Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
