I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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