I think my fart just growled at me.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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