i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
