sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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